I love an excuse to make resolutions. Probably to a fault. Someone recently told me “You are so driven.” I don’t think that is necessarily the case. I think I have high highs, and low lows. I think I have a frantic amount of energy, or a total lack of it. I have a racing mind, ambitious imagination, a heart that feels all the feels, and so on and so forth. And all of this is Okay. Better than okay, really. I love myself, not in spite of all these crazy things that make me me, but largely because of them.
With the Jewish new year I can think of so many resolutions that would be tempting to make, and break.
To name a few:
I want to decide on what to study in Grad School.
I want to run X amount of races.
I want to try and do a running streak.
I want to PR/Achieve certain time goals.
I want to go to Portland more often to spend more time with family.
I want to save more/make more money.
I want to make home improvements.
I want to read a book a week.
I want to write a book.
I don’t know why I am this way. Constantly wanting to do more; be more. I think the reason I woke up at 3 am today, totally awake, is because it is the “first day” of the year, and I want it to be a amazing. I want to be, amazing.
There is another side of me that just wants to slowwwww down. Do less. Be less. Heal. Stop depleting my well of energy and just be still and spend more time listening to my inner voice.
I know one thing is true. I love making the people I love happy. Not in a people pleaser sort of way (okay, let’s be honest, that too). But it just brings me joy to see people I care about feeling good. I want to be a bit better at not apologizing or feeling guilty for doing what I need to do for my own happiness.
Here’s to going with the flow. Setting ambitious goals. Allowing for a change of heart. Wanting one thing one day, and something else the next. Running. Sleeping. Eating. Singing. Reading. Loving. Listening. and Laughing. Definitely laughing :).
L’Shana Tova, friend. Thank you for reading.